So this past weekend I went with a friend I met on zimride to the Lunacy music festival down in Santa Barbara. It’s a 4 day, 3 night event where we camp out with a bunch of the festival goers. It’s very burning man like in that it is just a congregation of super open minded and crazy people. For me though it was pretty much a life changing weekend.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt so insecure in an environment in my life before. But being surrounded by people who seemed so comfortable with themselves and not showing a bit of insecurity was very intimidating to me. I always found very confident people to be intimidating. Maybe it’s a jealousy thing or something I dunno.
But in terms of meeting new people and being open in expressing themselves with no insecurity, these guys were way way way ahead of me. And the thing is that’s where I want to be at some point. Being in that state of no fear in being who you are, just being in peace and happy.
I thought I was getting pretty good at being comfortable but I’ve been hanging around the same types of people. I wouldn’t say engineers are the most self-assured confident people in the world. But going in that environment made me realize all of the insecurities I still have. It just brought it out.
So yeah, the weekend was definitely not the funnest or comfortable time of my life but I learned a hell lot about myself and I know what I need to work on. I’m also quite intrigued by this whole hippyish/burning man culture, I dunno what you call it. I want to emerse myself more and more in it.
So many things are changing in my life right now. Man, I’m excited.